The Power of the Relationship Container
If I’m going to be real with you, one of the most challenging aspects of my life has been and continues to be my relationship. Everything else in my world has often felt easier. Back then, I was afraid of commitment but, funnily enough, I always found myself in long term relationships. What I’ve come to know is that our relationships are some of the greatest teachers. We attract partners who mirror back to us our deepest wounds. And it’s often in those painfully triggering, frustrating moments that we are gifted the greatest opportunities to embody our most divine light.
Just last weekend, something happened at home that reminded me of this truth.
Our dog, Hippo, gave my eldest a little playful nip while they were playing. It was the first time it ever happened, and I could see in his face he was already remorseful. I calmly guided him into the hallway. Then my partner asked Mali what had happened. She said, “He bit me.” In that moment, my partner lost his cool. He swore, pushed me out of the way, and threw Hippo outside. In the past, this kind of reaction would have triggered me deeply. But what actually triggered me more was what happened afterwards.
Later, when I asked my partner if he thought his reaction was aggressive, he straight up said: “No.”
That was the trigger. The lack of accountability.
I carried that heaviness the next day, which didn’t serve me or anyone else. So I took myself out to Garigal country, lay my womb on the sand, and fell into a deep sleep. When I woke, I was ready to dive deeper. Because I know by now - it aint ever about the actual incident. It’s always about something deeper. So when I asked Spirit to show me, I was taken to a memory with my dad. I remembered confronting him about how much he hurt my mum and I, how angry I was that he could ever hit us. And I’ll never forget how he completely denied it.
That denial enraged me so much that I cut off contact with him for months, as I was in the space of consciously conceiving. When I asked Spirit why it was so hard for him to take accountability, I received this - “Because to do so would mean facing that he was just like the one person he feared and despised the most…his dad.”
With that insight, I sat in meditation, holding the intention to forgive my dad. Not to excuse his actions, but to release the anger I carried at his refusal to ever admit what happened. When I came back, I shared this with Ed. I told him that when he doesn’t take accountability, it brings me back to that old wound with my dad. I also told him what Spirit shared, and in that moment, something clicked for him. He recognised that in those times, he too was mirroring his own father.
And this my friends is exactly how generational patterns repeat.
I told him that I refuse to carry this cycle any further. That I am in the process of forgiving all those who have denied their responsibility, so that I can set myself , my children and my entire future generational lineage free.
That night, I felt an intense pain in my solar plexus and even dreamt of an ex-boyfriend who treated me terribly. A sign that my body was unravelling and moving the energy through.
And I realised something important…
✨ I will always set the boundary that aggression and disrespect have no place in my life. ✨ That I will always speak my truth with love, no matter how uncomfortable it may make other feel. ✨ AND I will always walk away from that energy, because I am no longer available for it.
The next day, I asked my partner one simple but powerful question:
“Would you like it if you saw your daughters being spoken to or treated in the same way you often speak to me?”
His answer was - “No.”
And that’s the moment he saw the mirror too. That’s the moment the relationship container did it’s work.
Because this is the medicine of relationships: they don’t just show us love and joy, they also reveal the unhealed places within us, the parts asking to be seen, owned, and transformed.
And when we dare to face these patterns with honesty, forgiveness, and courage - we break the cycle. Not only for ourselves, but for our children, and for the generations that follow.
✨ The relationship container is not meant to be easy. It is meant to be a sacred rememberance. ✨